Advice From Teenagers for Getting Over Rejection (2023)

Life is full of rejections — when trying out for teams, applying to schools, hunting for jobs and forming relationships. For high school seniors participating in the college application process, rejections can be plentiful and brutal.

This week, we invited students to read about a high school in Los Angeles that throws an annual rejection party for seniors where they shred their college rejection letters and eat cake and ice cream to celebrate the fact that they survived being turned down.

Then we asked students: How do you get over rejection? Below, we’ve rounded up some of their best advice for bouncing back after being told “no.”

Thank you to all those who joined the conversation on our writing prompts this week, including students from Crossroads High School; Los Gatos, Calif.; and Taiwan.

Please note: Student comments have been lightly edited for length, but otherwise appear as they were originally submitted.

The word “no” is not as brutal as it seems.

Life is full of rejection. Time and time again you will hear the brutal word “no.” But, it’s not as brutal as it seems. Although the word is associated with negativity, drawing the line between where you can and can’t do things, there is good in rejection. If you are only hearing the word “yes” in your life, you will never know where to draw the line. When everything goes your way, you have no sense between right and wrong. Rejection helps you reflect on the experience, giving you a chance to think about why the person said no and fix what, if anything, that you specifically did wrong … You can’t be hung up forever on some fantasy that won’t happen. Rejection is a part of life and we all have to learn to let go.

— Isabella, Julia R. Masterman School

Remember, there’s more to you than just this rejection.

It’s really important to take a step back before you get so overwhelmed by rejection and remember that you have so many other things that make you special. Just as the article says, “You have to learn that you will survive and that there is a rainbow on the other side,” meaning there’s more to you than just this rejection. Being rejected can be so upsetting and can really affect the way you view yourself but making sure that you know your worth can go a long way.

— Chloe, Hoggard High School in Wilmington, NC

A good, long cry can bring a sense of closure.

I have realized that the best way for me to get over rejection is to cry about it. While it may not help me achieve anything, I always feel a sense of closure after a good long cry. Crying is my form of catharsis. By embracing the sadness, I am acknowledging the rejection. If I had pretended nothing was wrong, my bottled up emotions would explode later. I don’t mind rejections as much as I used to. The rejections I have received have only made my successes more valuable.

— Naomi, San Jose, CA

Remain calm and move on.

My strategy for dealing with rejection differs depending upon the situation. If I am rejected by a person, I move on pretty quickly. If I am rejected by a college then I usually get upset but move on quickly. If you remain calm and move on, then you do not end up breaking things, or hurting people. It also shows that you do not care as much as they might have thought that you had.

— Mina, Taiwan

Surround yourself with people who appreciate and accept you for who you are.

My advice to you is to distance yourself from those who reject you. It may be tough, especially if you consider them to be good friends. However, true friends will never reject you or make you feel isolated. Surround yourself with people who appreciate and accept you for who you are. Remember, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

— Bruna, Sant Gregori, Girona, Spain

Take time to process what happened and think about what you can learn from it.

Don’t try to push your emotions away or pretend they don’t exist. Take time to process what happened and how it makes you feel, but always look for the better or the lesson in things. Focus on the things you can control, things like your attitude and your actions. Think about all the things you can learn from this one lesson and don’t be hard on yourself. This is not a reflection of your worth as a person.

— Joam, Minnesota

But if it’s too much to take, there’s no harm in a little escapism.

I am not good with rejection, not in the slightest. I cry easily and I revisit my mistakes over and over in my mind, so the days, weeks, maybe even months following any future rejection — be it from a college, a job, or even a relationship — would be filled with many tears. And books. My method of getting over rejection (or any other problem I may have) is to ignore it or run away. I jump headfirst into escapism, poring over novels and other pieces of literature until enough time has passed for a scab to form. If my life is too much for me to handle, why not live as someone else? Maybe it’s not the best or healthiest thing to do, but it works. The villain is always defeated. I can’t defeat rejection, but maybe this main character can.

— Emily, California

Try to shift the narrative.

Sometimes, it feels as if rejections are personal attacks, when in reality, they aren’t. The rejections I have faced have stuck with me. I think of these negative moments, and feel anxious and overwhelmed immediately. I know that even the littlest moments, positive or negative, stick with me. It’s just the kind of person I am. I will remember every detail, and my brain will revisit those moments often. When I think of these past rejections, instead of looking at them in a negative light, I will shift the narrative. I will tell myself that these rejections don’t define us, and they are learning lessons to keep us growing and evolving.

— Stella, Hoggard Wilmington NC

Or fall back on your faith.

I’m not gonna lie and say that I just easily accept rejection, because I don’t. I usually try to ignore it and let it creep up on me when I’m having a bad day. Recently though, I have started to look to religion when I’m letting any rejection sink in, including my own. I have started to think about what God would say if I let the world’s rejection get the best of me … his reassurance is all that I need …

— Madelyn, Ellisville

Use rejection as an opportunity for self-reflection and redirection.

Rejection can be difficult to deal with but it is a natural part of life. The over-curation of life through social media has probably contributed to my generation’s decreased ability to deal with hard news. We have an excess of positivity, but it’s false positivity. I have learned to recognize that sometimes life does not work out, or people will not react the way we would like them to, or there are unplanned situations that will arise. I have developed the skills to deal with rejection and now I think of moments like those as opportunities instead for self-reflection and redirection.

— Caden, Crossroads High School

Realize that it’s a normal part of life.

After dealing with quite a bit of rejection, I can be the first to tell you, it doesn’t get easier. While I know it’s never ideal, you have to just get over it and hope for the best the next time you try. I think some advice I wish someone had given me, before getting kicked out of my club volleyball team, was that there’s always going to be another chance. When it happened, I went home and practiced and practiced, and eventually I got onto my team again. It was hard to move past at first, but I’ve realized that rejection is just a part of life, and it will always, always get better.

— Sarah, Marlborough School

Celebrate your losses with others.

The Rejection Party that Downtown Magnets High School has is a really good idea because it really helps students see that rejection is just opening another door for better opportunities. It’s not the end of the world if you get rejected from a college, in fact, it’s the universe telling you it’s not the right path. The rejection party also helps mentally as well. It steers students into a more positive light because it is likely that without the party, students will think bad about themselves and their self confidence stripped from them. I would love my school to have a rejection party because it would definitely help ease the hurt and pain of many students from being rejected.

— IB, Hoggard High School Wilmington, NC

But if you don’t feel like sharing your rejection with the world, confide in the people closest to you.

I think that despite this party having ice cream and the shredding of acceptance letters, it provides opportunities for students to dwell on why they got rejected and may lead to doubt in their abilities and who they are as people. If I got rejected by my dream school and was encouraged to tell a bunch of people, I would probably be really embarrassed to share it and would probably feel shame for not getting accepted. Some things are better to keep to those people you are close to in your life, not feeling that you must tell the world in a way …

— Kaelyn, Block 4, Hoggard High School

Consider that maybe a “no” is the universe’s way of saying there are better options for you.

Over the years, I have experienced rejection constantly. Growing up I have learned that not getting accepted into certain situations or relationships isn’t the end of the world. One of the more recent rejections I have come prepared for is going to be during the college recruiting process for sports, I have the athleticism as many people going to the schools I would like to go to, however I am much shorter than most of my competitors. This can make me seem not as valuable as my taller competition. Every time I have been rejected, I have always been under the idea that everything happens for a reason. So maybe rejections are actually just the universe’s way of saying that there are other better options for you.

— Josh, Hinsdale, IL

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